She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
