woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
