The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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