TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
