the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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