I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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