We need to rekindle our bromance
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
