I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
