i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
