So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize