just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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