I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
