Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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