I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
