Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He? As in you personified your dick?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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