i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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