Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
