Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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