I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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