We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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