If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
