we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
