I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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