She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
