cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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