How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
