guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
