new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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