Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
