My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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