Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
