My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
