im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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