I think I died a long time ago.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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