He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
