I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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