Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize