I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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