Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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