Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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