Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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