smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
