i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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