yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm at about main and main street
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
