I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
