he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
