Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
