3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have fence marks all over my body
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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