Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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