I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
