Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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