There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
