Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
