i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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