Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
