Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
