We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize