I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
