theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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