wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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