While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
