bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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