I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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