Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
