Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
