All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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