the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize