if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
