Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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