just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
