i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
