At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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