My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
